I was engaged to a drug dealer who physically and emotionally abused me.

I was engaged to a drug dealer who physically and emotionally abused me.

This started off off as a dream, I fell into this relationship as he was a friend of my ex. I was young and needed to feel loved after my ex and I broke up – did I wait before jumping? No.
No one told me that I needed time to heal back then. At first, the relationship was everything I dreamed of, we spent so much time together. He smothered me with gifts and even new cars, we had fun – went off to nightclubs, money was no object and he made me feel safe – no one would say a bad word against me. 

At first, it was amazing; I quickly fell in love with this man and felt adored by him. After a while we got engaged, we had a party and everyone came. We had so much fun, he didn't have much family but that was ok, we filled the hall with my family and close friends.

The relationship began to change, after I moved in, I noticed how bills etc were in my name. He would encourage me to take out visa cards especially when he wasn’t able to pay back the bigger guys – I didn’t understand what he meant, until one day I found out he was taking more drugs than he was selling. Reality struck!

How could I have been so naive?

The arguments started, he was accusing me of sleeping with his friends and he would drag me around the flat by my hair to check if I had taken the paper out of the bins containing numbers of his customers. The nightmare began, I was too scared to tell anyone as he had threatened my family so I kept quiet - going off to work and coming home, that became my life.

 I finally told my parents, enough was enough. I needed to get out before this man killed me.

Secretly I started to take my things, bit by bit and because of the drugs, he didn't really notice until I went back to collect my things! That's when the panic set in, he pinned me down with a knife to my throat "no one will ever love you again" he said, " if I can't have you then no one can".

Luckily for me, I managed to escape. Not many women are as fortunate as me so I am sharing my story to let others know there is a way out from this prison.

We can escape, we can learn to put ourselves back together again! By working on me I have managed to escape the years of torture that man caused inside my head. I no longer feel a victim and I am no longer scared - I have an amazing man by my side who I love unconditionally.

There is light, we just need to believe in ourselves to find it.

I now help ladies in similar situations, to grow and strengthen their self-worth helping them to gain the courage to leave or to heal once they have left.