Relationships

Ideology

Relationships are funny things aren’t they; we have relationships with everyone - our parents, siblings, friends, other family, children and then our partners. One of the main relationships people often forget about is the relationship they have with themselves!

What do we class as a relationship though?

Everyone has a different view as to what they believe to be real and true; and when you think that these beliefs are personal to them ideally, we should not really put our beliefs onto other people.

We learn these beliefs growing up through parents, education and even the media. They have spent so many years teaching us the ideology...married with children, buy yourself a house, get yourself a good career.

Can we say, hand on heart this is what we want out of life? Will this make us genuinely happy?

Well...it was not what I wanted. Have a guess what happened.

When I was young, I was so money orientated, very career driven that I didn’t think about getting married or even having children. I wanted to be selfish and be just me. "Work hard play harder" that was always my motto.

I bought my first house at the age of 21 and yes, that might have been a belief passed down however, it changed into a belief of my own, the belief of me having my own bachelorette house to party in more!

Things didn’t really plan out as I thought, just as I purchased the house, I fell pregnant. I had been seeing a bloke for all of 3 months. Silly me didn’t realise that the pill doesn’t work when you have a sickness bug!

My Bachelorette pad became our family home, and I found myself with a good career, a house, a child, all that I was missing was the marriage! Wow. How could this happen? How could I have fell into the belief that had been drummed into me from an early age?

Guess what...yes, you guessed it along came the marriage a few years later. There it is everything that I did not want rolled into one! The ideology of what a relationship should look like.

So, What Does A Relationship Mean?

“The definition of a relationship is a connection between two people or things”

A relationship is like a full-time job, something that needs both parties to work at. It’s a mutual partnership where you respect each other.

Are you reading this and thinking hang on a minute, that’s not what I have? Or maybe you can relate to what I am saying?

Some people have found their jigsaw puzzle and everything slots into place, others are not quite there yet! And that’s ok, there is plenty of time to work out what it is you truly want.

The Wrong Type

So many people fall into the trap of committing to the wrong person, and unfortunately lose themselves within the relationship. They adopt a way of living that does not suit their needs or dreams its merely just to survive. The problem then being the relationship they hold with themselves starts to deteriorate because of this, making them feel that this is all they are worth and that they should not expect any more.

So how can you spot the signs of being in the wrong relationship?

Control Issues: One-way stream, your partner must have his or her own way! You find yourself complying to keep the peace.

Communication Difficulties: When you offer your opinion or choice, expressing concern you are shot down, manipulated into changing your mind, or you are met with anger.

Feeling on Edge: Because of your partners behaviour you feel like you are walking on eggshells, you cannot really be yourself and you feel like you are having to justify your actions.

Its always you: You have been made to feel that the relationship is fine and its down to you and how you are misinterpreting everything.

Wears you down: Depressed and anxious about each day, not much to look forward to, not having the support you need from your partner however feeling like you are there all the time to support them.

You will be surprised at how many people are living in relationships like this. Thinking this is how it should be, some have never experienced anything better so for them this is what they are used to!

Working on your self-worth and self-love is a great way of over coming beliefs from a past relationships, maybe you have walked away from a relationship like this and are feeling a little lost? Building up you and working on you helps you to grow stronger – face the challenges, embrace the fear and move forward with your life!

Knowing that you can change your life for the better helps, however people are often to scared of the unknown to make a change, especially if they have children within a partnership too!

Scared of being alone, scared of being a single parent, financially unstable – this is more often the case as the partner controls the money, works full time to bring in the bread and butter so to speak, again, another way of making sure that your self-worth is low enough to keep you there.

Its ok to reach out, trust that you have the strength to make the change and trust you have the support network to help you to achieve it!